What is it in married men that attracts single women or
ladies? Or does that common saying that 'the food on
someone else's plate always looks tastier and better' also
apply to such women's choice of partner, whether for sex
or marriage? This phenomenon is called mate poaching.
According to a clinical psychologist, Dr. Valerie Golden,
mate poaching has become a robust phenomenon. When
single women see a moderately attractive male, they are
more interested in him if they believe he is already in a
relationship.
In fact, one study found that 90 per cent of single women
were interested in a man who they believed was married,
while a mere 59 per cent wanted him when told he was
single, while another previous study found that about one
in five long-term relationships begins when one or both
partners are involved with someone else.
This implies that the era of seeing men as the only gender
that readily wants to lure a man out of his relationship is
long gone as women now seem to be at the forefront.
One could also wonder if single women are simply taking
a cue from the preference of married women, because a
study once showed that when deciding if someone is
attractive, people take cue from others. This probably
underscores the reason why married women are wary of
single ladies lurking around their husbands.
Many people are used to the fact that married men have
extra-marital affairs due to reasons ranging from lust,
excitement, revenge, to family issues etc, but for single
women who have the option of dating single men to prefer
married men may be a little surprising. Why would single
ladies/women venture into such?
dailymail.co.uk
Ordinarily, one would expect that a married man is no
longer available, but studies have shown that women who
are single are particularly attracted to men that are
either in committed relationship or married as against
bachelors.
Beyond the pecuniary gains that such single women or
ladies may look forward to, the studies showed that such
men are seen as having the ability to be committed and
have more experience in knowing and meeting the needs
of a woman than most bachelors who mostly want to enjoy
the moment and move on to other things.
In a study, researchers from the Oklahoma State
University in the United States showed 100 female
university students pictures of both married and single men
and asked them how attractive they found them and which
of them they would try to start a romance with.
Some of the students were single while others were
married and the pictures of the men were labelled as
either married or single.
On the other hand, a group of men were shown several
pictures of some women; single and married.
When asked for comments after viewing the photographs,
it was gathered that single women were significantly more
interested in the married men, while married women
were far more interested in single men. On the other
hand, single men were most drawn to the single women.
The study, published in the Journal of Experimental
Social Psychology, and reviewed byDaily Mail, pointed
out that single women are four times more likely to find a
married man attractive than someone who is unattached
because the fact the man already has a mate adds to his
'desirability' factor.
In contrast, married women were far more interested in
single men - suggesting they either respected the bonds of
wedlock more, or yearned for a free spirit.
'Single women in this study were significantly more
interested in the man when he was attached and this may
be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to
commit and in some ways, his qualities have already been
'pre-screened' by another woman,' the researchers added.
The study added that men were rated more desirable
when they were pictured surrounded by women than
when alone or with other men, the journal Philosophical
Transactions of the Royal Society B reports.
Talking about the science of attraction, a psychologist,
Anthony Little, said just as female birds and fishes find the
male specie more attractive if they have already seen it in
the company of another female, such phenomenon also
extends to humans.
Findings showed that some women go after married men
having lost their partners to friends and prefer to shy
away from any feeling of sisterhood, hence, go after
whoever they find attractive regardless of who is pained.
A sex and relationship advisor, Dr Pam Spurr, said
only the commitment to marriage would reduce things like
mate poaching. 'I think this is only going to get worse
unless we have a sea change in relationships. Increased
adultery is eroding strong relationships, and until people
take marriage more seriously and don't look for an easy
way out, mate poaching may continue to be an issue.'
Meanwhile, one of the reasons highlighted by the study as
to why single women are more attracted to men who are
taken was that the single women believe that the men who
have been chosen (whether in marriage or relationship)
must have been chosen for good reason, hence, such men
tend to be good men.
Another reason highlighted was that married men are no
longer afraid of commitment, and that a man willing to
commit himself and alive to responsibilities is much hotter
than a man who is not.
There is also a reasoning that there are a number of
sexually active young women who are not socially or
psychologically ready to get married and would rather
have an affair with a married man, who would be less
demanding, than a single man who might be pressing
towards marriage.
They however pointed out that honesty, trust,
availability, spending holidays and family time together
may not make it to the priority list in such a relationship,
but that it gives the woman some breathing room, in
which case nobody is on her neck and she is not
accountable for every action taken.
They stressed that it is usually done by single women who
do not want to be under any man's control or strict
monitoring, women who have decided never to trust a
man or those who simply want to make money out of the
man.
'For these women, feeling superior has less to do with
the man in question and how desirable he is, but more to
do with being more powerful than and superior to the
other woman,' the study said.
Reacting to the study, a psychologist, Prof. Toba
Elegbeleye, said if similar studies were to be conducted in
this part of the world, the results are likely to reveal that
such single women are attracted to married men because
of the financial status and the likelihood of being well
taken care of rather than the men's physique or good
looks.
'The reason a single woman would be attracted to a
married man may have little to do with his physique or
how handsome he is, but she may be considering the fact
that the man has a big pocket and may be able to care for
her need. So, the pecuniary gain and the sheer social
value of being seen with somebody who is well recognised
in the society are factors such people may consider.
'Also, married men already have the experience; they
tend to be people who have some level of influence,
authority and sizeable income in their control, which may
guarantee the woman opportunities like jobs and business
connections. So, they are people who are likely to be
made already. Things like physique, good looks and the
man's sexual prowess may be added factors but not the
priority.'
Elegbeleye added that some women may also do such to
derive some pleasure in competing with another woman.
He said since some young men of today are not ready for
commitment, the single women may not want to lose out,
hence, seeing dating a married man as an option. Agency
report.
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